I have about twenty or so of those paper journals, like the one shown above, lying about...some do get written in when I'm feeling like taking a pencil or pen up in my hands. 

But most of my journaling is done in the cloud these days. And creative writing note-taking...and story planning. And poetry writing. And private blogging/cathartic writing. 

I was doing a lot of it on Google Docs until I read that Google like probably can read everything I write and maybe share my shit against my will with people I don't want to read it. Not fucking cool, Google. 

So I searched on my Safari (totally safe Mac browser...as far as I know) for a private way to get my thoughts on the screen and into a space...before I share them in any other spaces (if I choose to do so). 

I found penzu...the totally private and secure online web journalling experience. 

The basic one journal with basic bells and whistles is free. But you can pay just a little bit more and get lots more features, including unlimited number of journals, covers and page and pad images you can change, extra cool fonts, etc. For me, it was worth it to pay for the PRO+ version, butt the free or regular PRO version will probably do for most. PRO+ wasn't that much more expensive than PRO and it has extra level encryption. (Even though I'm saving up for something else I might need later on that's kind of expensive but as a writer who wants to self publish, I will probably need eventually and I'm planning on taking my blogs to the pro level as well). 

​Below is a look at my Home screen with all my journals (so far)...

The one I've worked most recently in, Writing Projects, is positioned top left and largest on the screen. The others are around in, clockwise rotation order according to when I last worked in them. I have used my own images for the covers of each. They look pretty cool don't they? 

I'm not suggesting you buy the PRO or PRO+ version. I happened to get it when it was on a deal where they threw in another year for half  off, so it was a good deal. You can add images and tags to your posts just like a blog and you can also privately share links to it with people...if you want to do that. 

I chose to do PRO because my first journal I made in there, 'wandering starseed,' is where I'm pre-writing some of the more sensitive personal posts of my dealings with weird phenomenon that I normally post on my other blog... "reo_k's weirdworldview" but these are really sensitive posts and will not get posted to the main blog, but to private content pages of that blog once I have that part of the blog up and running. For discreet and special eyes only.

The page layout is simple to use and you can also time-stamp your entries if you want to keep track of when you started writing them. That's helpful for me...lets me know when I'm taking too long on something and need to get my ass in gear. 

​Below is a view of the writing area layout:
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It looks pretty much like any other blogging app but there are some extra cool features. That light bulb in the upper right? If you are stuck for something to write, in total writer's block hell, you can click on that for prompts. How awesome is that? And everything is100% private, unless you choose to share it with someone. 

penzu app for private journaling. Free, PRO for $19.99 per year and PRO+ for $49.99 per year. Sometimes they have sales for an extra year at half off. Worth checking out if you can afford it. See more at https://penzu.com .

File under..."Cool Tools for Writers, Bloggers, and Journal-Keepers". 

Ok, yes. I know what you might think as you start watching this. Mr. Jiang is a person in the business world. Talking about his attempts at becoming a successful entrepenuer. But his talk should also resonate with many writers who experience the "no gift, no compliment" version of rejection (in a form email that indicated the editor maybe read a couple words of your piece and that was enough for them). We know whatof he speaks. We feel those feels. Regularly. 

Jiang's talk is funny and inspiring. I hope it gives anyone watching here the courage to keep building up that thick skin, keep pushing past the "no's," and keep chuggling full steam ahead with their dreams. The sin is not rejection. The sin is never trying, and/or never trying again. 

Peace and prosperity to you~~

A shorter clip of this was posted on Facebook earlier in the year, and it resonated with me. So I decided to watch the longer version of the YouTube clip of a commencement speech given by J.K. Rowling on the subject of the unexpected benefits of failure. 

The beginning of the New Year is typically the time we begin to re-evaluate the past year and make up our minds to better ourselves in the future. But we often have difficulty admitting defeat, even to ourselves, because in our modern society failure carries a negative connotation rather than a positive one. But perhpas it should be different. It's normal to feel some negativity and self-loathing after failing, but that should not last long. It should be soon followed by positive re-focusing of one's energies to strive to be better next time. Joanne nails these points in her own brilliant way. 

It's a little longer than the clip posted on Facebook, but well worth watching. The author of the famous Harry Potter series talks about the most valuable lesson she ever learned in one of the best commencement speeches I've ever heard. 

I've been meaning to post this talk of Joanne's for awhile now, but today it hits home more, so I'm finishing this post and sharing it with the world. Because sometimes you need silver linings when the rainbow fades to pale. 

​May we shoulder onward through our defeats and come out victorious in the end!

Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of "Eat, Pray, Love" gave an interesting TED Talk on creativity and failure that we watched in our Senior Portfolio class this past semester. 

I just went through an ordeal of having a big rejection lately. I had submitted 3 poems to the Sigma Tau Delta journal, "The Rectangle." I was hoping that at least one of the poems would be good enough to earn a spot in the journal, so I could use that publication as leverage to get into the grad school program I have my heart set on. I got the blessing of one of my professors, Dr. Hallock, who was acting as our advisor for Sigma Tau Delta and praised the poems. 

I waited with anxiety mounting every day for the news. Then, it finally came a few weeks ago. I did not get in. The form rejection email stated that they had over 500 submissions. While it was a little reassuring to know that there was so much competition, that thought alone did nothing to assuage the feelings of unworthiness that every writer feels when they get a rejection. 

As usual, I moped around about it for a few days. Then, I said to myself: "Maria, stiffen that upper lip, buttercup. You got a rejection? Big deal. You've gotten them before. Stop throwing yourself a goddamn pity party, get writing some new stuff, and submit those poems again somewhere else!" I resubmitted the best one to another poetry journal, which also earned me a rejection, albeit a nicer one. They actually told me my poem was well received by the editors of the journal, but it did not fit with what they wanted to do in their current issue. Hey, as a publisher/editor myself, I can identify with that. Plus, a personal and encouraging "No" is  better than a computer-processed form "No" any day of the week. So, I'm going to toughen up once again and resubmit it somewhere else. And on and on it goes. 

Keep trying. That's all we can do. I've been writing since I could walk. I'm sure as hell not going to stop now. 

I am a writer, and I must write...or die in misery, with all my angst piled over my bones like brittle dead leaves.